I was pregnant and trying to please everyone- and it was leading me to my death. I saw no way out. I was getting more and more pregnant along with more and more tired and worn with every passing day I spent behind a fake smile. I didn't dare tell anyone my true feelings; oh no. At this time in mylife I figured this is just what women do; have kids.
But I didn't want to; I wasn't ready; we weren't ready. And though I tried to pretend I was happy about the pregnancy for as long as I could handle it; I was continuously plotting my escape: suicide. I day dreamed of it, more and more as each day went by. It was the only thing that gave me a moments peace; the only time I didn't have to cry.
It wasn't too long before the smiles failed and the tears flowed from my eyes in front of any and every one. I suppose that is when people started paying attention to my routines,
