Part1: What Anti's Don't Say About Child Birth

Anti's would have women believe that raising a child is something we must do without a second thought. Never do they mention the life altering responsibility women carry through pregnancy and after birth. As too many women state, when they mentioned wanting an abortion to their personal doctor too many were met with a speech about the "joys of motherhood". For some women this is news worthy of joy; the women who want and are ready to be a mother. This is not an anti-childbirth post, rather it is a post to say it is okay to feel something other than 'joy' about pregnancy. You are not alone. Additionally, if you feel the fetus to be child is unwanted, that does not make you a bad person as some anti's would have you believe. That means you are realistic and don't want to bring an unwanted being into this world to suffer. This makes you a GOOD woman.

First, I wanna talk about the side of raising a child no one tells women about. Being that I've never had a child (but have been pregnant and aborted thankfully) I have interviewed random women who have children; women of different ages, grandmothers included, financial positions, nationalities, jobs, students and teens.Though I am positive they all loved their children more than one told me they regretted giving birth. Finally, I've also posted information from the internet.

Two years ago I watched my sister-in-law, who I've always admired and who always had everything together, struggle and lose confidence while getting used to being a mother. She desperately wanted the baby, and she is a great mother as is her precious child. But I remember thinking, wow, if someone as strong as she struggles, how am I going to handle pregnancy? 

No one talks about the change in life pregnancy brings. It almost seems they are trying to use forced motherhood and in some cases marriage as well to show their are consequences in having sex. Yes, there are. But those consequences should not ruin the lives of those involved; especially
the one who did not ask to be conceived! Some will want to keep the unplanned child; that's great and I wish them the best. But to those who don't, that is okay too and does not make you a bad person. That makes you human.


Anti-choicers want you to give birth but not stop and think about what you are really doing. During pregnancy you must take care of yourself and adjust your life style so that it is healthy and productive for the baby to be. After childbirth this remains the same. Money is an issue, of course it is. For those who say welfare is the answer they obviously have never applied (rates of denial are atrocious and those approved have to wait far too long). 

Not only do children need food and the basic necessities, but they need clothes. Another thing I learned from my sister-in-law is infants and toddlers grow out of their shoes and clothes in a matter of weeks. Also, of course most people want their children to have nice things and prepare them for life, education and so forth. But not everyone is at a stage where they are ready to give up the time to raise another being. Many women are still putting themselves through school while others already have three kids they are barely feeding and one more child would push them over the edge.

What about your mental, emotional and physical health? I personally could not bare to have to raise a child because my mental and emotional health were so bad it was impacting me physically, and that's just one reason for my late-term abortion, but that one reason is good enough. Women have to be ready; certain they are ready. There is a difference in being afraid of the unknown and being mentally distressed. Mental distress is when you start thinking you want to end your life. Being worried about the unknown is normal.

Those are just a couple of things women should think about when considering birth or abortion (adoption is not on my list as I lived it and it is a hell I would put no child through). Before ending this I want to add a few other things women who have children, both out of desire or because they couldn't abort, taught me.

Motherhood is a Blessing and a Gift to all Women whom Give Birth

Wrong. Sadly there are women who can't give birth and my heart does go out to them, but there are some who despise abortion simply because they cannot have children. That is an emotional response  but also unfair to those women who don't want . It doesn't mean those who can get pregnant are bad for aborting, it does not mean we are unappreciative; it means we care about the future and take time to think about if a child is what really want and or/can handle at that time.

Pregnancy and motherhood should be a joyous time but realistically it isn't for all women for whatever reason they have. During my first pregnancy I felt so guilty because the 'joy of pregnancy' had failed to find me. Or perhaps maybe I failed to find it. Either way, looking back my abortion was the best choice I've made. I was resentful and angry at the pregnancy, not joyous. It was a miserable few months before my abortion, and I have never been more relieved than when I woke up and I was no longer pregnant. That horrible torture was over.

No woman should have to suffer through pregnancy just because society says it's our job. If you don't want to be pregnant, you do not have to be.

Some women resent their children because of things they did not anticipate. One of the most popular one I found both in women I spoke to and women online was the change in their relationship with their partner. A writer wrote on Salon.com the following quote regarding being unhappy with her pregnancy, not being able to find the joy of it, and a friends response.

"In tough times, his wife related, the couple had made many a joke about “ways to blow up our own genitals so this never, ever, happens again.” "

Anti's claim abortion causes mental problems when actually there is no research to prove this; when conducting the research it was actually the other way around; proving those who gave birth were more at risk of developing mental illnesses.

Many women become depressed or develop other mental disorders after pregnancy whether they wanted the child or not; it does not make them a bad woman and help is available and should be sought after.
On a pregnancy/mother board online I found one woman actually blaming another woman for not enjoying her experience as a mother. To paraphrase, she basically said the depression caused the woman to not enjoy it. Had she been happy, like 'her' then she would be experiencing motherhood at its finest.

What a load of bull. Depression isn't to blame, hormones and possibly pregnancy difficulties also could be to blame. A lot of the time depression as well as postpartum depression don't realize what is going on, they just feel something is wrong. This does not mean the mother is to blame for how she feels; not at all.

If we look at unwanted pregnancies and/or women who were unhappy during pregnancy we find a lot of interesting data. This also backs up my view that if you don't want to be pregnant or a mother and you're depressed, yes, depression is a good enough reason to have an abortion. It was one part of my reasoning.

Depressed women whom are pregnant are not only more at risk to have trouble bonding with their child, but it also impacts the new born. Miscarriages have been noted to occur, low birth weights and preterm birth are some of the early traits passed down to the infant. Research studies have also found the child is additionally more likely to struggle with depression during adolescence and adulthood. This does not mean the fetus or embryo is a living being; it is a potential living being, but it is of course impacted by how the host (the mother) feels, eats, behaves and so forth. Emotions in this case are genetic, and while they don't always happen the risk is heightened when the woman doesn't want to be a mother, and/or is not happy about pregnancy.

Many women I spoke to and a lot of women online (this is yet another of many reasons I aborted) don't want a child or didn't want a child at that time in their life due to how their body would look after birth. This is viewed as vain to some, but it's not vain. It's a rational emotion. We all want to look good for our husbands or partners and it depends on the person and what their priorities are in life. If you have the priority to have a child and you feel having a child is more vital than something like your relationship with your partner or your body image, then that's awesome! But it is just as acceptable to not want to get pregnant because of fear of how you will look.

What that boiled down for me, and I think it probably is true for most women who feel that same way is fear that our relationship with our husband or partner will change. That he will look at us differently and we no longer will be whom he desires. There is no way to tell. My husband told me he found me more attractive because I carried his child. Sadly, some men are not that sweet. The point is, worrying about looks isn't vain at all in my opinion because it boils down to a much deeper issue.

In conclusion, just wanting to have an abortion because you don't want to go through such a major life change or because you dislike children is just as good of a reason as any other reason. I hope more women think about their own feelings and future, as well as the future of the potential child, and make a choice that is best for them both as opposed to simply having birth because they accidentally got pregnant and have been made to feel it is their 'duty' to give birth. It is not a duty; it is a choice. YOUR CHOICE.